another day older

"Interrogator: I'm instructed to inform you that you have been convicted by special tribunal and that, unless you are prepared to offer your cooperation, you are to be executed. Do you understand what I'm telling you?
Evey Hammond: Yes.
Interrogator: Are you ready to cooperate?
Evey Hammond: ...no." ---V for Vendetta

I sit here and i wonder "what does it all mean?" the world the otherside politics religion the various machinations of the hominids that roam the planets surface.
why? what is the point of it all? there are many days i will sit for hours wondering about that. today is one of those days.
I'm not depressed, not by a long shot, I'm just bored. day in day out is the same thing i wish i could say my life was interesting , but it's not really. that's why i don't write much in this blog i guess.
some would say "at least you've got your health" heh the flutter of my arrhythmic heart begs to differ, as do my arthritic knees
"you have a home" not really. the one place I've ever really felt like home, i cannot go back to. that would be the place of my birth, or rather close to it. Houston, TX. i was raised there till the age of 12 when my family packed up and moved to Georgetown, TX, the place of my fathers birth. it's a small town , getting bigger as the years roll by. but it wasn't home. currently i live in Austin and though the atmosphere is wonderful weird and chaotic (what other city can say they've had a homeless, cross-dresser run for mayor and come in second?)
Acually given the coice i'd move to Pearland just outside of Houston. My Nana lives there and tuthfully her house was more of a home for me than my own.
so what keeps me here? family and a strange since of duty. my son lives here with his mother. and if i were to move back to Houston i wouldn't be able to see he nearly as often as i do now. even now i don't see him as often as I'd like.
there is a profound since of loss there, for both of us i think.
i think I'll go cry now.